Cheers, everybody!

Friday, September 26, 2008
Messy
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Finally back with a post. The past few weeks of me not updating my blog has been a blurry contradiction. On one hand, I have issues with my motherfucker of an ex-employer and have had to deal with that, on the other hand, I have been pretty idle at home as well. So the main point is that physically, as a walking zombie, I have been idle and free. But deep inside, inner turmoil, desperate isolation, immense stress. I cannot sleep well, I have these weird dreams, I have these 'shakes' sometimes. It's pretty intense. To be honest, I have seen some specialist about this, (paid for by my miserable salary) and on one hand, I wanna feel better and I wanna kick the bad *ahem* habits, but after about 12 hours of deciding that, I'm like "FUCK IT, I will indulge myself as much as I want - 2 bottles of Vodka a night + 5 doses of sleeping pills, hey, throw in some Xanax and Valium as well and we'll have a party.... with myself" Unhealthy and potentially life-threatening but that is exactly how I want to live. I swear. I read the whole dengue fever scare thing back a couple of months and I would walk my doggies every evening, passing through the drains and manholes and pray and pray that I would get bitten, fall sick, and hopefully, kick the bucket. Never happened. Disappointment sets in. Now there's the tainted milk powder scare from China and unfortunately for myself, I'm not exactly a toddler. Tick that off my list then. How about driving? If I imagined I was a F1 racer and drove as I wish and like a maniac. Who knows? I might get lucky one day and just do myself in. Shit... I just revealed what I had always sought to keep among the skeletons in my wardrobe. Well now that I have let it all out, I kinda feel better but goodbye everyone for now. Cos I may never get the chance to formally say goodbye...... if ever the day comes when I can finally bid adieu.

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

Thursday, August 7, 2008
Kids are cool, but...
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So I agree that having your own kid(s) is pretty much makes your life complete, even if you have to risk your own life to have one. Call me old-fashioned, whatever. H-O-W-E-V-E-R, if I turn into my own parents when I DO have a kid, I'd rather not have children at all. I believe I will go straight to hell (as if I'm not going to already. Hah!) if I ever chose to voluntarily bring a kid into this world and torture him/her on an emotional level. I mean, it's not all about the pocket money and the big mansion, or the Lamborghini when he/she turns 16, but how you interact to him/her as a parent. The bond that a parent creates with his/her child is entirely on the part of the parent. I tell ya, if I have the emotional reach (as a parent) like that of my own parents, which is almost none at all, then PLEASE whoever it is up there, DO NOT grant me a child. I do not wish to bestow suffering on another human being. A human being whose fate I chose, no less. That is too too cruel. Sure, we are Asian and we are not supposed to tell our children that we cherish or love them but come on, surely, we don't have to torture them mentally, do we? Man, I have so much to say but how do I put it all in words?

Labels: parents

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

Saturday, August 2, 2008
End of Week
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So I scored some sleeping pills on Friday and boy was I excited the entire day. It was like I was just strangely satisfied and contented. Three little blue pills. Dont have the name for them though. The only problem is that I now have to think of ways to get some more from like doctors or something. Took all three at the stroke of midnight and slept like a baby. Hallelujah. I'm not a church-ie, by the way. I'm starting on a "The Sopranos" marathon. Think it'll be an enjoyable journey and a good education on swearing. Fuck you!

Besides all that drug-fueled excitement over the week, I also got 3 freelance writing jobs. Good luck to me. More $$$ for booze and sleeping pills! Now, you may ask, why do I reveal all these on the internet for the world to see? Well, it is because I know that people hardly read my blog. So there... P/S, if anyone knows a dumb and cheap pharmacist, call me.

Labels: $$$, booze, cheap, church, doctor, drugs, education, fuck, journey, pharmacist, sleeping pills, sopranos, writing

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

Monday, July 21, 2008
I love Grissom
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I've rekindled my romance with CSI. CSI Las Vegas, that is. The original one with the exciting twists and turns and innovative ways to die. Now, the reason most people fall in love with a series, other than the fact that it usually is god-damned well done, is its characters. In Will & Grace, I love Karen Walker and Jack McFarlane, in Sex & the City, I love Samantha Jones and Big, in Supernatural, I love Dean Winchester, in CSI, I love love love Gil Grissom. I also like the rest of the nightshift crew, except Sarah Sidle, and was so bummed when they got split up for a while one season. That sucked. I'm rewatching season 4, from the top, and this serial murder case in the premiere episode is a classic. It's faaaaan-tastic. CSI changes your life. It makes you more alert in your everyday life because it makes you aware that these things do happen to normal people and you should never ever think,"Naaah, it'll never happen to me". It's called crime, okay? Shit happens. There's something about the CSI crew that just appeals to people, it's the chemistry between them and the fact that they trust their leader, Grissom, and they just really get along with each other. I love that kind of camaraderie between folks. Why can't people be like that in real life?

For those who haven't had the opportunity to watch CSI or are so stupid that they have decided to give this program a miss, why waste all that time? It's never too late. WATCH CSI!

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

Sunday, July 20, 2008
Take a break
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Hey folks. I am dead tired of my life right now. It's so mundane and uninteresting, makes me wanna yell,"Life is a Son-of-a-Bitch!" It feels like I have no future and I'm living like a zombie. Sure, I say take it one day at a time. But do that long enough and you're screwed, man. You're stuck. And that's where I am, I'm stuck. Stuck in a low-paying job I have to worry about all day long, stuck in an average super-unexciting home life where I'm doing the same things day in, day out, stuck in my personal life, mostly because I don't have one.

I'm thinking of just casting everything aside and going on a solo roadtrip somewhere. Of course, by somewhere I mean Malaysia. Where else right? When I get my next paycheck, I'm gonna cash it in, pack up, leave everything else behind and 'make like a tree and leave' for Penang where I can stay at my grandma's place. My immediate family members are being bitches anyway. My parents are like, I dunno, distant, lacking in compassion and overly-critical. It's best to get away from them. Anyone has tips on how to survive the 10-hour long drive all the way up, please contact me. I don't wanna ask my parents. Thanks

Labels: life, parents, penang, roadtrip, son-of-a-bitch, tired, uninteresting

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

Thursday, July 10, 2008
Hungover on a Thursday workday
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So what else is new?
So I had a couple of drinks in my room last night. On my own. 2130 hours. Air-conditioner turned on. Two doggies by my side. Listening to Journey and Boston. Vodka. THEN, it felt like paradise. NOW, enter light exit night, hell has descended upon me. My insides are turning upside down, my head is throbbing, I feel slightly feverish. The only consolation is that I don't feel like puking my guts out. Plus, I'm at the workplace. Oh and I was stuck in a traffic jam coming over this morning.

So I google a "hangover solution" query and these are some things I can do to help myself. I have a feeling some people I know will find this handy too.In no particular order -
1) Avoid drinking alcohol altogether (scrap this. You gotta be kidding, why would I drink anything other than coffee, tea or water if there wasn't alcohol in it?)
2) Drink to your limit (which 'limit' would this be? The limit I know but exceed anyways because I'm trying to push beyond that limit, or the actual limit which I would have to exercise some self-control on to attain, and I do not have self-control, which also makes me feel that if I didn't push my limits then why start drinking anyway right?)
3) Eat a grand ol' meal prior to drinking
4) Snack when drinking
Then for the day after when you're suffering
5) Drink lots of water or Gatorade to combat dehydration, your battered body needs its lost supply of h20
6) Exercise (That's worse than NOT drinking)
7) A delicious cold glass of blood, no I mean, tomato juice can work wonders
and remember to AVOID
8) Pain-killers. Unless you wanna kill the pain AND your liver
That is about it. I'm gonna pop on down to Starbucks and get myself a $4 bottle of tomato juice now. Branded juice, who would've thought of that?

Labels: alcohol, avoidance, boston, drink, hangover, journey, limits, liver, puking, Starbucks, traffic jam, vodka

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

Saturday, July 5, 2008
Alcohol Count for Saturday, 5 July 2008
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Watching LOTR: Return of the King. Sad ending, or so everyone thinks. Then we learn that Gandalf had sent eagles to pluck Frodo and Sam from the ruins of the fire, in a bid to save them. He does, of course.

Alcohol count this lonely, sad, touching and boring Saturday night : --> 1.5l of beer and 2 glasses of Tequila.

Peace out.

Labels: alcohol count, boring, fire, frodo, gandalf, lord of the rings, sad, sad ending, saturday, touching

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

The Return of the King
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I'm talking, of course, of the epic movie by Peter Jackson. They're showing it on national TV right now. Listen to this - SPLIT into TWO parts, starting at 1930 up to 2130, then a half-hour break for news, continuing at 2200. I mean, it feels like they are SOOOOO reluctant to show it. And it's a "Television Premiere. Yeah, my foot. "Premiere" - 5 years after it was first released in theatres. Whoooo-hoooo. Them folks at MediaCorp sure are quick and up-to-date, eh? We pay TV license, you know! And I'll tell ya, it ain't cheap.

The worst thing is that this movie is so legendary, so epic, so fucking fantastic that it is downright upsetting to see it being sliced up by the advertisements like that. Imagine holding a knife to a Da Vinci masterpiece, that is how it is. Fortunately for me, I have the full DVD set ... original. (*bows)

Labels: epic, legendary, mediacorp, national tv, peter jackson, television premiere, the return of the king

pammy cogito ergo sum ;

[ The Crazy Bitch ]

Pamela K aka Reillaz
Born on the Fourth of July (No, I'm just kidding) 11May1986
Is presently struggling with getting my character to 70 on WoW
Favorite Starbucks beverage is Iced Caramel Macchiato
Favorite drinking style is
No Ice, In a small glass please, To the brim!
Currently watching these TV shows back-to-back -
Will & Grace & Supernatural
Right now, I listen to these when driving -
ACDC "Highway to Hell"&"Back In Black"
Foreigner "That Was Yesterday" & "Cold As Ice"
Journey "Wheel In The Sky", "Don't Stop Believing", "Open Arms", "Faithfully" & "Who's Crying Now"
Kansas "Carry On my Wayward Son"
Creedence Clearwater Revival "Proud Mary" & "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"
Boston "Don't Look Back", "Peace of Mind" & "More Than A Feeling"
Doobie Brothers "Long Train Runnin'"
The Who "Baba O'Riley"
Oh boy... I need a drink.

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