2011 was a crazy year with more bad stuff happening than good, and with lessons learned the hard way. Firstly, the GOOD would be that it was Oliver's first year and we enjoyed every single second spent with him, watching him grow and learn and respond more and more to us. A baby's first year is so fascinating to observe and be involved in and if I had a change to go through that again, I'd be the first to sign on. Now, for the bad... so much to talk about on that...
This was the year that Ezzat and I had the most arguments. In the past, when people say,"Arguments make a relationship stronger, that's the silver lining", I would roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders in indifference, envisioning a perfect relationship with my other half where it was 'argument-free'. But now, I wholeheartedly agree with the statement. Through all these arguments that we had, we actually learned more about each other - what makes him tick, what he's uncomfortable with discussing, how he does things etc. Once information has been received, I can then digest it and decide what the next step is to prevent any more of such argument topics arising again. Easier said than done, of course.
Our arguments were never ever about Oliver though. With both of us being first-time parents, it was more like 'let's learn from each other', as opposed to 'no, we must do it MY way'. I suppose with matters concerning someone as precious as Oliver, we have naturally adopted a 'we're in this together' stance. As a couple, however, we're still in the process of getting that same mindset ingrained in our heads.
Generally, we had arguments on the same old topics - family, methods of doing things, friends, and yes, money. Money is the devil. Sometimes, I feel so inadequate because I'm not working and contributing to the household, and I'd link this up with many other things that aren't going too well for me. In turn, I get rather depressed and moody and I just feel like nothing will remedy anything ever again. Until the next day when a brand new emotion overwhelms me, for instance, I NEED to clean the bathroom until it sparkles, the OCD part of me takes over and its the same cycle with different factors.
As for the methods of doing things part, I daresay I'm not one to command that things are done my way, I believe more in 'if you want something done at all, do it yourself, if possible'. The problem that I have with his methods of doing things is not so much in the actions being done (or not) but rather in the intention behind it. A little example to iron out the creases caused by the questions you probably have now in your head while reading this: when he tells a person something, but the reason behind why he does it is not because he feels it is the right thing to do, but rather just for the sake of doing it. The intention is not right. Something like that... you get the picture. Right now, I'm just thinking that I will try to let most things slide and not bother me as long as it does not directly affect me or Oliver, and only bring it up as an issue if it drags out for too long.
2011 was a year where things that were fuzzy were made clear again. After having Oliver and cohabiting for a good year-plus, I kinda felt that I had no direction in the relationship. Sure, we were engaged with a ring on my finger to remind me of it, sure, we were definitely talking of a future together as man and wife, but that hadn't happened yet. Nothing was concrete or set in stone yet and that made me nervous sometimes because I need for things to be clear and stable and secure. So in early October when we officially signed the papers, I could finally set that boulder that had been sitting on my shoulders aside and breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, a little wedding celebration would be nice but we'll talk about that later.
Another thing that was cleared up was the issue of having the right people in his life. I had no hand at all in his final decision to toss some people out of his life, but admittedly I did my best to help him re-analyze the relationships that he shared with them. Certain people are only good for you at a specific period of time in life and once it is time to grow up, it is beneficial to rearrange people and things around you. It is alright to keep childhood toys in your closet when you're an adult to reminisce but it is not the same with people. The chinese have a saying "近朱者赤，近墨者黑", meaning if one stays near vermilion he'll get stained red, and if he stays near ink he'll be stained black. This saying refers to people around you who will influence you either positively or negatively. I am glad that he realized that he can no longer afford to waste time with people who haven't matured or found a direction in their life, it shows he has himself grown as a person and together we believe life will be a lot better for us in the next 30-40 years :)
A charade that happened late in 2011 - emotions ran high and people acted childishly and inappropriately. However I am not describing myself because, whatever I had done, I do not regret at all because I meant every single word that I typed or said, and I stand by my thoughts and beliefs because they are justified in every sense of the word. The chapters in this charade that played out by other people directly or indirectly involved or even not involved at all only proved to further substantiate all I have been saying. Allow me to throw in another chinese phrase to sum up what I meant - 公道自在人心. A silver lining in this was that I saw that my husband stood up for and trusted me and I believe he will continue to do so in the future. I think this point is enough to erase all the negativity from the arguments that we had regarding this issue and I thank him. We have moved one step closer to the definition of a "strong marriage", perhaps if we're lucky we could get there before we lie six feet under. Moving on...
The entire 2011 was punctuated by tensions and stress caused by the fact that we were anxious to move out to a place of our own. This thought never left my mind for a single day in all 365 days and in the early days of this new year, we finally managed to get our asses out and on our own. I will continue this move as a separate post ;)
On the plus side of 2011, we watched so many movies I think we covered the careers of a lot of the Hollywood bigwigs - Bruce Willis, Christopher Walken, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Al Pacino, just to name a few. There were good movies and awful movies and movies that made us go "huh? what the hell was that about?". We also discovered a couple of great great great TV series together - Modern Family, Dexter, Fringe, 30 Rock. Not exactly spanking new series, but hey, when something is that good, better late than never, better late than never.
I found myself reconnecting with many old friends and connecting with new ones as well. It's always a warm and fuzzy to feel the sincerity emanating from a friend's words of consolation or greeting or even a jibe or two and I've had the pleasure of realizing in 2011 that I have really awesome friends who are the coolest cats in the world - mature, responsible, respectful, thoughtful and caring. In the words of Freddie Mercury, "I thank you all".
Ciao 2011, I mostly hated you to the core, I never wanna see you ever again, and I spit on you from the bottom of my throat. Aloha 2012, let's see if you can show me brighter days and sweeter smelling posies, and let's hope I won't have to do to you what I did to your predecessor come Auld Lang Syne day in about 12 months.
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